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I just watched a man on my television run into a cactus repeatedly while nude for the enjoyment of his friends. That isn't the scary part. What frightens me is that this man is probably far more intelligent than half of the general public. No, really. I work in the wonderful world of fast food. Well technically, it's a snowball/snack stand, but let's not get caught up in the semantics here people! I've worked there for a year now, and in this time, I've learned many things. Perhaps the biggest lesson is that I should never be allowed to interact with the general public. NEVER. You see, I have a very low tolerance for out and out stupidity, and it seems that this is a plague which is sweeping the nation. For instance, let's say I were to say the word "Strawberry" to you and ask you what that would taste like. I hope we would all agree that it would it taste like, brace yourselves for the shock, a strawberry. Oh no, not the people who frequent J&J's. On a daily basis I get asked what Strawberry, Orange, Grape, Coconut, Apple, Cherry, and Banana taste like. Often times when my boss isn't around, I tell people odd things. My favorite being: Stupid Person: What does strawberry taste like? Regina: Sort of like a baked potato. Stupid Person: Really? Perhaps even better than the obviously stupid are the stupid who think they're intelligent. I like it when people try to con me out of money, or get free food. One a woman ordered a jumbo vanilla snowball. A jumbo is the big daddy of snowballs. I could fit my head in a jumbo cup. I know this, because sometimes things are slow and I'm bored. So, the woman orders her jumbo vanilla, sits at the picnic tables outside, and proceeds to eat half of it. She then comes back to the window and asks for her money back, as the vanilla snow ball tasted nothing like coconut. Gee, do you think? I know I was scandalized. In other snowball related stupidity, the good folks over at Southern Snow (no, that's the actual company name, not me being a smart ass), have a flavor called "Dill Pickle." Why anyone would want a pickle flavored snowball, much less why my boss ORDERED it is beyond me, but the fact is we offer the flavor. A woman asked me if it was good. Due to the fact that I'm not disgusting, I have never tasted this particular flavor. So, I gave the standard answer, "You just have to have a taste for it." She clearly stated, "Oh, well I don't really like pickles," then ordered the aforementioned jumbo. She drank HALF of it, then calmly walked back to the window and demanded her money back on the basis that she didn't like the flavor. Well, good for you, perhaps you should go try begging on the street corner for your money back because you're sure as hell not getting it back from me. Then there was the man who ordered the cheese sticks. I pop them in the fryer, get them out and hand them to cheese stick man. He then EATS each and every one of them and says, "I'm going to need my money back. These cheese sticks have cheese in them and I'm lactose intolerant." Poor guy. Imagine the shock when he finds strange little slices of meat on his pepperoni pizza. While it scares me deeply to know that there are people with this level of intelligence operating motor vehicles, it also offers a sick sort of reassurance. At least now I can always look back fondly on jumbo lady and cheese stick man and know that what I always suspected is true: I am far more intelligent than most of the general population. Sure the same can be said for most trained monkeys, but let's try not to ruin my moment, okay?  |